Wednesday, 30 June 2010

Hey Hey it's.... Wednesday...?

It IS Wednesday. And I will not be confused!! There is an Aussie tv show on every Wednesday called "hey hey it's Saturday". But it's Wednesday.

To share our disappointment in the misleading title and the sheer... well stupidity really in such a silly name Eoin made a little telephone call to channel 7's complaints department...

I was wetting myself on the floor, Liam was calling us both children, and the complaints department was closed for the night so Eoin was put through to a switchboard operator who was not too impressed.

E It's Wednesday today.
SB yes.
E But it's called hey hey it's Saturday?
SB yes.
E But it's Wednesday today. Why is it called hey hey it's Saturday when it's a Wednesday?
SB ....

Suffice to say the girl said she will pass on his comments to the complaints department... Without a name or number to respond to.

But seriously... It IS Wednesday!!

Monday, 28 June 2010


Shocking news in Melbourne today has the whole office talking.

Apparently there was frost this morning. Yes you read correctly there was frost. From what I can gather the Australian frost is an intimidating sight. The conversations about frost were briefly interrupted with discussions about the England Germany match but quickly returned to the topic of frost.

If you see frost keep your distance and if anyone you know has been affected by frost you have full condolensces and sympathy from the soul sucking office.

Public transport hell!

Some of you will have seen the FB status comments. Some of you will have experienced it yourself. But Melbourne public transport system is lacking to say the least. Supposedly it has been worse since the latest crowd took over. But i can't compare. It's just dire.

They have overhead powerlines so drunken idiots can't electrocute themselves. And it also means wet leaves aren't a problem- yey!!! But it leaves it open to psycho's running down the trainlines as happened to on my way home one day while busting for the loo!!! It was touch and go for a while...

Last week; Another week in my temping life in soul sucking office. Thursday was the first day I got to work on time! Fortunately they're all about flexible working. Then on the way home the goddamned trainline closed. I was booted off my train at a manned station which had suddenly become unmanned and train after train pulled in and did the same thing. I'm not quite that street savvy here as yet that I know what buses or route to start walking... Thank god for the i-phone and google maps!! And thank god I wore my boots with the smaller heel!!

I got home near 8pm.

In the morning the trains will also be randomly cut. They'll normally run about 15 mins late and sometimes miss our station altogether. As obviously it would be soooooo time consuming stopping where you're scheduled to.

The good thing though - I need never run or rush. I aim to get there at a set time but don't rely on the train times and therefore am never stressed as there's just nothing anyone can do to fix this mess!! Except after 40 mins of waiting I may get a teensy bit stressed..

And I didn't even get to discuss the buses yet...

Tuesday, 15 June 2010

Self promotion!!

Are you bored in your job? Do you crave more responsibility?

Then promote yourself!

Today while packing several dozen envelopes (they're paying me to) I
decided to take matters into my own hands. I needed more
responsibility that folding the paper at the right bit so the address
can be seen through the window. So I promoted myself to 'pre paid
return envelope controller'!!

I decided to play god with the prepaid return envelopes.

This has many benefits:

1. Saving trees being chopped for envelope consumption.
2. Promoting useage of tree friendly email and telephone options.
3. Stretching my brain to make a decision other than the folding line:
does this person deserve an envelope?!

So go to it people! Get out there and promote yourself! Your managers
may not notice any difference; but you'll know!!

Sunday, 13 June 2010

Water water everywhere...

My quest for the 4 minute shower has been.... Well... Kind of... Non committal really...

For those who did not get that earlier e-mail - due to australia's water restrictions you get a cute little 4 minute egg timer to time your showers and keep them within 4 minutes as that means you use less water blah blah blah and so on so forth.

When here in 2002 I have no recollection of any water or shower restrictions except for a roadhouse on the Nullarbor which had it's water piped several thousand miles to get there and requested a 5 minute limit to showers. Understandable really.

And back last June i was only enlightened at the water restrictions severity when the groom gave us instructions as to how to sneekily water their garden while we stayed in the bride and grooms house when they honeymooned. So we were quite stringent with sticking to the 4 minute shower at that time.

But now with the wettest winter in years promised and our host's lack of restraint while using water himself we've kind of given up...  Running that shower for just 4 minutes just ain't realistic.

        1. It takes a few minutes to get warm water.

It's winter. I'm not standing under a freezing arse shower while the boiler takes a few mo's to kick in!

        2. Have you ever tried washing your hair within 4 minutes?

Can't be done. At least not properley. There will be no second shampoo! And don't you dare leave that conditioner in to soak!!

        3. You ever try to shave in 4 minutes?

Again- no. Doesn't happen. You will just cut that kneepit/armpit or any other awkward/sensitive area to pieces and feel like you did as a teenager when you had your first crappy disposable razor to cut up your legs up with!!

I remember a girl in my boarding school shaving her toes before prom and shredding them all to a bloody mess to then display an interesting selection of plasters in her first pair of high heels at her first ever prom. Thank god the official photos were waist up!!

So anyhoo the water company has suggestions for the wastage of water during this 4 minute shower process. They suggest to collect it while showering or waiting for the water to warm and use it to clean your
car or water your plants...  Hmmm. Interesting idea.
To be honest that sounds like a lot of hard work. In summer here your garden is a losing battle. Collecting water from your shower will not defend your lawn or plants from the blazing heat and high uv levels of an Aussie summer. Deluded idea that is!!

Give up and just enjoy the precious few (4) moments in your shower without that bucket in your way. I am intrigued though... How many people DO collect their water?  I challenge all of you reading this - set a timer each time you shower. See how you fair with 4 minutes. It would be a better comparison if you too had winter going on but let me know how you go anyway. And just a friendly reminder that Thames water now owned by an Aussie company is the one pushing for all UK homes to be water metered... It's like Big Brother in every tap!! But oh what I wouldn't do for a big hot bath tub full of water and a lush bath bomb about now...

Tuesday, 8 June 2010

Working girl

So no real work as yet in the land of oz. And no yellow brick road. But there are many normal roads which is always a bonus!!

 Last week I was on an agency mission which has resulted in my last two days temping in an office of rude miserable and slightly weighty data entry clerks, an interview tomorrow followed by two more days
feeling smug at being just temporary back in the soul sucking data entry office!!

Oh yes, and I spent two hours last week supping coffee in a room with two way mirrors then discussing how gross each cup was before moving on to the next and got paid lots for it. Love that market research!

To look my professional best I have bought myself one rather nice black suit to impress at interview in the fabulous Melbourne sales. As my bum may be slightly too curvy for my favourite best suit I kept from London... Maybe... But Maybe it shrank in shipping?

But I'm hoping anyway that i just don't need all that suit crap and it's a bit more relaxed where i end up working but just in cases I have sourced through the Aussie girls where to go shopping this weekend if I do need smart stuff a plenty!! Alas there is no Next or Marks & Sparks in Ausland. Either way no matter what the dress code I can wear pretty stuff and not look like the mess I did at Hheathrow!! Twenty insulating layers, army boots and a natty company fleece and hi vis... Not a good look!! I still mourn for the beautiful pair of boots I trashed 4 years ago when i first started working there again...

So anyhoo back to the soul sucking office... I get to sit there with my i-pod on all day supping coffee working away and ignoring everyone else. Not that I need to ignore anyone as they won't even say hello let alone say something for me to ignore! If anyone knows someone nice who works in data entry please ask why and let me know. Im most curious that they could be Normal put of work. A temp job is fine but full time I think I'd be tempted to run through the office naked to get some reaction out of them. And probably kill myself afterward as I need good conversation and a gossip to go with my coffee (t5 was always good for a natter and a coffee) but NO phones even ring in this office. EVER! Which is a good thing as they're all listening to
their I-pods and wouldn't hear them anyway!! But It's eerie and still. And I swear they all have a grey sheen to their skin....


Anyhoo i don't have a picture of an office or me doing any work so appreciate the koala instead.
And for your own safety keep away from data entry!!!